Points to Consider when Choosing an Emissary (Ba Shibukombe)

 

 

An Emissary( “Shimukombe” – Bemba language,” Nkongu”– Lunda language and” Alangizi” – Nyanja language) is a person that is chosen by the family to provide counselling and Marriage training to the couple who are about to wed. Various counselling includes budgeting in the home, respecting in laws, what’s expected in the Marriages etc including  how to handle your wife/husband in marriage concerning love making and so forth.As such it’s important that considerations are put in place on choosing the Emissary as this has an impact on the Marriage life of the couple. The points below will help you on how to choose an Emissary.

1. TRIBE/ CULTURE.

It’s important that you choose the person from  your tribe or someone who understands your traditions and culture because there a certain rituals that are unique according to the tribe or culture of the couple. If the Emissary you choose is not familiar with those rituals or traditions of your tribe, it’s difficult for the couple to learn things required according to the the culture/tribe of that couple.

2. LIFE STYLE

It’s important to understand or know the community life style of the Emissary. Choosing someone with negative life style has a negative impact on what they will pass on to the couple.you need to consider the life style they exbit in the society such  as how they treat their own spouse and marriage, their social conduct, their religious beliefs and so forth.  Good life style mean they will teach the couple good morals and values.

3. BACKGROUND

It’s important you know their background and experience.Some people think what they went through, everyone should or will go through also. What they will impart in the couple may also depend on their background. It’s important you consult the background of the” shimukombe” from  people who  know where they come from. Consider questions like ‘Do  they come from a polygamous home or not? Are they brought up by a single parent or not? Etc

4. EXPERIENCE/ KNOWLEDGE

It’s important that the Emissary you choose has experience and knowledge of things pertaining to shibukombe before the couple is mislead. An experienced one is a better teacher and have knowledge of what needs to be done.They have dealt with a lot of couples and therefore know what’s required and they are up to any challenge concerning what the couple can bring in terms of questions and what to teach.

5. FAMILY RELATIONSHIP

Choosing an Emissary who knows your family well and shares close relationship with the family of the couple is important. Because they will put extra effort in terms of counselling for sake of good family relationship. They will ensure the Right information and knowledge will be supplied to the couple so as to  please  the rest of the family as well.

6. RELIGIOUS BELIEFS.

The   Emissary teaches a lot of things pertaining to Marriage. If their beliefs contradict with your beliefs or that of the family, wrong beliefs that are compromising will be taught to the couple. Religious practices have impact on the lives of people. People live according to what they believe in,so it’s important to consider the religious beliefs of the Emissary.

7. EDUCATION

It may sound funny to some people because wisdom and experience is not dependant on how educated one is, but it’s important to choose someone who knows what to do to make it in life as a couple.How you are going to help your partner attain their goals and how you’re going to upgrade each other. The issues of budgeting and setting goals all needs some basic education. So it’s important you consider the education of the” shibukombe” you want to choose. While you’re being taught traditions, you need also to be taught other aspects of education and it’s importance on your Marriage.

8. OTHER TRIBES.

It’s also important that the couple is trained by more than one person if it’s possible. Try to bring in  marriage counsellors from other tribes also helps to impart more knowledge to the couple about to get married. This also helps the young couple learn about values and advice given to their friends from other tribes that they may not be aware of.  This helps the couple to adopt and choose which ones  are more helpful and appealing. Dancing skills and traditional marriage skills will vary according to the set tribe.